Last year, I decided not to make New Years resolutions. Oh, sure I had made them before. Written on paper. Professed drunkenly to friends. Glued onto vision boards. I resolved to lose weight. Exercise more. No more cookies. Don’t cry when refused offer of said cookies. Take more time for myself. Volunteer. Travel. Basically, become a Saint. And Martha Stewart. Saint Martha Stewart.
I don’t know about you, but making resolutions, no matter how SMART*, how altruistic, and how desperately I wanted to change, by February I was back to my peanut butter cookie eating ways. (*SMART: Strategic, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely goals)
What was wrong with me? Was I weak? Lazy? Maybe Meanie Molly holding me hostage in my brain was right: maybe I was really good for nothing.
So last year around this time, I made my final resolution: no more resolutions.
And then something happened.
A friend posted asked a question on Facebook. It went something like this: “What is your word for 2013?” She instructed us to pick a word that held meaning for us and would continue as our talisman, or theme, for the new year. My word came to me right away.
Looking back on 2013, I realize that I have had many, many brave moments. I published two books this year – my own book, Work in Progress, and I also was part of an anthology for another brave friend of mine who almost died of Toxic Shock Syndrome in 2012.While I’m not writing full-time (yet), I did quit one of my jobs to focus more on my main day job. That was scary because that other job was steady income. But I ended up with more time on my hands. Time to do what, you ask? Write more books? Umm…sort of. I got a bit sidetracked with putting myself out there and being brave…on stage. I was in not one, not two, but three amazing community theatre performances in a row. In. A. Row. I’m still recovering from the last show, which ended a month ago! Most people who see me, think I’m a ham – a social butterfly (a social ham??), who would be a natural under the limelight. I’m no stranger to the stage, but I’m a stranger to singing on a stage. Being in two musicals plus a play where I got to play an over-the-top character required me to dig deep and break down some walls that kept me safe and secure. But those walls also kept me isolated and lonely.
2013 was a year of reaching out, of digging deep, of singing loud, of blind leaps, and messy falls. All of which required me to be…
Did I lose weight? No. Did I exercise more? Not really. In the grand scheme of things, does this matter? No. Because I was brave. No matter what life threw my way, I chose to be brave this year and boy, oh boy, I was all kinds of brave. Superhero Brave! And I’m proud of myself. Meanie Molly can sit on it and rotate because I set out to do what I intended. Be brave.
As this year comes to a close, it’s time to think of a new word, one to herald me in to 2014.
Want to know what it is?
Stay tuned…I’ll tell you in 2014. Don’t worry, that’s just a few days away now.
While you’re waiting, I’m curious, what were your highlights of 2013?